First of all, don’t e-mail me asking if the blogs done. The blogs not done, I’m just working 55 hours a week and don’t feel like doing anything when I’m done except drinking myself into a stupor and getting a good nights rest. Maybe if you assholes sent good topics and questions to Timmyhateseverything@gmail.com and made life a little easier for me, there would be more content. Food for thought,eh? Anyway, today’s topic is reunions…at first it was going to be grade school reunions because I consider them the worst of all, but I guess the rules apply to all reunions. Luckily my family is too small for family reunions (we all die pretty quickly, at least I’ve got that to look forward to), so I’ve never been to one. I go out of my way to avoid bumping into people I know, so the concept of a reunion is hard for me to wrap my mind around. So to be clear here: people actually WANT to get together with people they haven’t cared about enough to talk to since they were 13? To put it lightly, that seems pretty fucking retarded to me. If I had to ask one question, it would simply be this: WHY?

Seriously, someone tell me WHY on earth you would want to put yourself through this pointless exercise in bullshit small talk, gossip, and judging people. And don’t get it twisted either bitches, I’m not some kid that sat alone and brought a lunch from home throughout my school years, despite my current shitty attitude. I pretty much knew everyone in every school I’ve ever been in. I talked to and got along with every single type of person you can think of. One of my first Friends in high school was an over 6 ft tall dude named Abdul. I was at most kegs/parties, and still hanging in playing Halo 2 some weekends too. I once made out with 22 girls in ONE NIGHT while hammered at an Arch Bishop Ryan social (documented with witnesses). So despite my current hostile attitude, I’ve done pretty much everything you can think of and hung out with every type of person on Earth (including a Filipino break-dancer). I appreciate everyone I knew and all the good times I’ve had (they hit a wall at 19), but I have NO desire to relive those days or see those people again. It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s that after not seeing each other for like 10 years, is there really a reason to now? I mean unless you’re a chick who wants to have one last romp in the sack, why bother?

Bumping into ONE person you grew up with but haven’t talked to in forever is awkward enough, I can’t wrap my head around hanging out with 100 of them at once. I enjoy seeing people I grew up with when I’m out every now and then, and I plan on seeing a few friends from high school I keep in touch with on FB whenever they’re in Philly again…but I do NOT want to see 85% of the people I grew up with. I’m not capable of that much idle chit-chat while silently judging people in my head.  And make no mistake, that’s all reunions are…a night based solely on judging the people you grew up with and how much worse/better you are then them. Oh, and people want to know who turned out to be gay too. Please don’t act like you’re genuinely interested in talking to me, if you were, we’d still be talking. I’m a man who appreciates honesty and directness. So let’s be both of those right now: You want to know 1.If I’m an idiot with a kid already at 25, 2. If I’m a drug addict, 3. if I have a hot girlfriend/wife, and 4. how much money I make. Here’s your answers: 1. no, 2.no, 3.no, and 4. not much. You’re probably much better off than me, but an awful human being that doesn’t deserve it. So let’s just skip it, okay? The only reason I’d ever want to go to a reunion is to see how hot chicks I went to school with got, and thanks to Facebook, I don’t need to leave my house to do that.

I guess maybe your reunion depends on how the people you went to school with turned out. My grade school graduating class is either in prison, dead, in rehab, or scheduled to be on Maury. I don’t know what the fuck happened to the class of 2001, but the world would be better off if about 75% of them were wiped from the face of the Earth. If I really wanted to see some asshole I graduated with 10 years ago, I’d call to have my lawn mowed or look around my neighborhood for the 25 year olds still using their bike as their main method of transportation. My older friends seem to have avoided the scum of society, it blows my mind. The guys I hang with are generally at least 10 years older than me, and they could fill an entire bar with good people they grew up with that you’d want to be around. Yet I couldn’t fill my bathroom. So I suppose it is based on who you grew up with. All I know is this: I don’t care about gossip, I don’t like awkward talks with people I barely remember, and I don’t like crowded places. If you want to “catch up”, fine. I can do that. But I can not participate in a charade of a party that only exist to see how fucked up everyone turned out that is occupied by people I spent most of my adult life trying to avoid.

PS-If you’re wondering where the hell this topic came from, it’s because I’m going to St. Matt’s “ride the tide” reunion this weekend. No, I did not go to St. Matt’s. I said I’d never go to MY reunion, not A reunion. Watching this spectacle without being part of it seems interesting, I’m like an anthropologist of sorts. Almost every person I know from that school is a good guy/gal, so I’m curious to see how those people compare to my former schoolmates without ever actually having to talk to them. Oh, and I want to bang a divorced drunk chick too….so there’s that.